What do you do when yo are bored out of your mind?
Not much because nothing can keep you interested for long periods of time.
If you can't tell I'm extremely bored.
~Sica
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
It's Complicated...At Least to Me...
Love is complicated. Plain and simple.
All of my life I felt that I was the most hideous thing to walk the earth, I still do honestly, but there were two people that do not see it the way I do. These two boys I dated, one for a year and a half while the other was for five months. Both, however, seem to think one of the most amazing people they've met (just one of them) and both may possibly like me still. One for sure, the other is questionable. Don't know why, but they do.
With one it seemed we were more like friends so it was a mutual split, but it seems that, from what people tell me, he treats me specially (so not a word I think...) than he does others. Personally, I don't think he likes me in any way that is more than a friend, but others tell me differently. He did though ask me what I would think if he asked me back out again before we graduated. Would that mean something?
I have come to realize that I do care for the boy and I wouldn't mind trying to date again. It is a possibility.
Now, the more complicated one. The five month guy was a deeper relationship than I even expected, even when he told me a few things he thought would throw me off my game. After he did tell me those things we actually became closer instead of what he intended and I guess he fell for me? In my opinion, he treated me like a queen and still does even though he's so far away. I'm the one that broke up with him and it honestly had nothing to do with what he did. Absolutely NOTHING! I've never told him the real reason why, but I will eventually.
I have come to realize how much I cared for this boy and I didn't realize how deep the feelings ran until now. The feelings I think border on almost love I think. Am I sure? Not really. I think too much and don't have a my heart speak a word.
This is confusing and complicated to me, I'm not used to this type of thing.
All I know is that I miss those two boys very dearly.
And there are times I wish I was dating the one of the two because I know I'll be happy. With which would I be happiest? I have my assumptions, but who's to really know?
We can only wait and see.
~Sica
All of my life I felt that I was the most hideous thing to walk the earth, I still do honestly, but there were two people that do not see it the way I do. These two boys I dated, one for a year and a half while the other was for five months. Both, however, seem to think one of the most amazing people they've met (just one of them) and both may possibly like me still. One for sure, the other is questionable. Don't know why, but they do.
With one it seemed we were more like friends so it was a mutual split, but it seems that, from what people tell me, he treats me specially (so not a word I think...) than he does others. Personally, I don't think he likes me in any way that is more than a friend, but others tell me differently. He did though ask me what I would think if he asked me back out again before we graduated. Would that mean something?
I have come to realize that I do care for the boy and I wouldn't mind trying to date again. It is a possibility.
Now, the more complicated one. The five month guy was a deeper relationship than I even expected, even when he told me a few things he thought would throw me off my game. After he did tell me those things we actually became closer instead of what he intended and I guess he fell for me? In my opinion, he treated me like a queen and still does even though he's so far away. I'm the one that broke up with him and it honestly had nothing to do with what he did. Absolutely NOTHING! I've never told him the real reason why, but I will eventually.
I have come to realize how much I cared for this boy and I didn't realize how deep the feelings ran until now. The feelings I think border on almost love I think. Am I sure? Not really. I think too much and don't have a my heart speak a word.
This is confusing and complicated to me, I'm not used to this type of thing.
All I know is that I miss those two boys very dearly.
And there are times I wish I was dating the one of the two because I know I'll be happy. With which would I be happiest? I have my assumptions, but who's to really know?
We can only wait and see.
~Sica
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's Day
I hate Valentine's Day.
Why?
Because I do.
Though, I do have to say that H.I.M. is the best band to listen to for love songs in my opinion if we're not looking at old school R&B songs or Motown. At the moment it is four o'clock in the morning (whatever time you see in the corner of the post is an hour behind) and here I am blogging.
Well, so far, I've written three poems and I've gotten the ideas from a late (one o'clock in the morning) night stroll around campus. Sadly, I did not have a notebook with me so they did not turn out as they were first thought out to be. Anyways, the poems are called "Your Venomous Kiss", "The Heart Aches", and "Moon". Two of which are kind of "depressing" while the other is about a moon. -shrugs-
I'll probably post again later since my day hasn't even started yet, so I'll be back later...Maybe...
By the way, Happy Valentine's Day to those that care about the day.
~Sica
Why?
Because I do.
Though, I do have to say that H.I.M. is the best band to listen to for love songs in my opinion if we're not looking at old school R&B songs or Motown. At the moment it is four o'clock in the morning (whatever time you see in the corner of the post is an hour behind) and here I am blogging.
Well, so far, I've written three poems and I've gotten the ideas from a late (one o'clock in the morning) night stroll around campus. Sadly, I did not have a notebook with me so they did not turn out as they were first thought out to be. Anyways, the poems are called "Your Venomous Kiss", "The Heart Aches", and "Moon". Two of which are kind of "depressing" while the other is about a moon. -shrugs-
I'll probably post again later since my day hasn't even started yet, so I'll be back later...Maybe...
By the way, Happy Valentine's Day to those that care about the day.
~Sica
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Random Words from Boredom...
I am bored.
Simple as that.
Well, not much has been going on in my life at all. It's been the same: school, boredom, friends, etc. etc. I have been thinking about rewriting a few of my stories, drawing some pictures, and making some videos for YouTube (which will be pretty much the same thing this blog is for...sort of). I have ideas it's just getting them down on paper.
At the moment I'm kind of ticked off at the world. My health insurance is turning off on me on the first, unless I turn in the paperwork before then. I'm applying for health, food, and cash assistance. Hopefully, I get the health assistance at least.
Lately, I've been thinking about my sob story of a life drama and it has been getting me depressed. The only reason I've been thinking about it is because one of my best friends is depressed right now.
Also, I've been wanting to have a significant other (my friends complaining about it and when I'm lonely do not help me at all). I just want someone to hold me and be with me and help me when I need it. I am more than willing to do the same. The person can be male or female, it doesn't matter to me as long as there is a connection with me and the other person.
What's worse, in my opinion, is my issues with family and friends. One of my best friends, my friend of eight years (who I will call Hexx), seems to be further away from em than before. We used to be so close and now it feels like our friendship is at its end. It saddens me a lot because we've been through a lot together and been friends for so long...Now, I've closer to my other best friend (who I will call Puppy) and it seems to be having an affect on my friendship with Hexx. They hate each other's guts and they've never even met!
My family issues are the same as always...difficult.
College is hard, not just academically but mentally as well.
I will be strong though, I have to be. There are people that go through worse than I do on a daily basis.
~Sica
Simple as that.
Well, not much has been going on in my life at all. It's been the same: school, boredom, friends, etc. etc. I have been thinking about rewriting a few of my stories, drawing some pictures, and making some videos for YouTube (which will be pretty much the same thing this blog is for...sort of). I have ideas it's just getting them down on paper.
At the moment I'm kind of ticked off at the world. My health insurance is turning off on me on the first, unless I turn in the paperwork before then. I'm applying for health, food, and cash assistance. Hopefully, I get the health assistance at least.
Lately, I've been thinking about my sob story of a life drama and it has been getting me depressed. The only reason I've been thinking about it is because one of my best friends is depressed right now.
Also, I've been wanting to have a significant other (my friends complaining about it and when I'm lonely do not help me at all). I just want someone to hold me and be with me and help me when I need it. I am more than willing to do the same. The person can be male or female, it doesn't matter to me as long as there is a connection with me and the other person.
What's worse, in my opinion, is my issues with family and friends. One of my best friends, my friend of eight years (who I will call Hexx), seems to be further away from em than before. We used to be so close and now it feels like our friendship is at its end. It saddens me a lot because we've been through a lot together and been friends for so long...Now, I've closer to my other best friend (who I will call Puppy) and it seems to be having an affect on my friendship with Hexx. They hate each other's guts and they've never even met!
My family issues are the same as always...difficult.
College is hard, not just academically but mentally as well.
I will be strong though, I have to be. There are people that go through worse than I do on a daily basis.
~Sica
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)