Good News :)

Hello, blog, what's up?

So, I have some good news. I've finally got hired for a job. It's not the best of jobs and there are times where it can be hard, but it is a job. It's mostly on weekends and sometimes I may not be working on the weekends, but that's okay I guess. No biggie to me as long as I have. The job is giving out free samples at Meijer and trying to sell the products you are sampling. That's a lot of talking to people, which is hard for me, but at least it will help me with my people skills. By the way, my title is Sales Advisor.

I'm so happy that I've finally gotten one, especially after two years.

As far as I know, I'm working tomorrow from 11 am to 5:30 pm.

Hexx stayed the night that I had to work, but she didn't have her car so mom had escort her to our house (her car is having issues). I wasn't that good of a hostess I guess because I was looking up information on what to do about a car and the prices for them. The night before she went home I had to go to bed early because it was my first day at work. I had a good day until I got home. The reason? Well, you see, mom works third shift and since I don't have a vehicle or a license yet mom had to take her home before she laid down. Plus, my sister and I had to go to that Father/Daughter Banquet within the next 2 to 3 hours, so we didn't have that much time to pussyfoot around.

Now, things went sour when I told her she had to get off the game to get ready because mom had to go to sleep soon. She then got an attitude a little.

Then, my sister reminded her to pick up her cheese wrappers from the night before. My sister was even nice about it and Hexx got an attitude at her for no reason at all. And mom was sitting at the table in the same area. Not a good idea to do that. Mom was pissed off about Hexx's attitude problem. That kind of made me mad too, Hexx's attitude. That was not necessary at all. So, now she can't stay the night anymore.

Plus, when she dropped her off she didn't once say thank you to mom for the ride. Very rude.

Anyways, another friend of mine (who I will call Chef) finally can talk to me over the phone. He's still getting his stuff together right now, but he's got his cell phone more situated than it was a year ago. Bad thing is though is that he's working himself sick, literally. Hopefully things start getting better for him so he doesn't have  to make himself sick from overworking anymore.

Well, I'm going to let you go, blog. I have to work as far as I know tomorrow and I need to get some sleep.

~Sica

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman's Scorn...

Well...Hexx stopped by to drop off my sister's Dirge of Cerberus game. It was an awkward meeting to say the least...for me personally anyways.

I think she's mad at me. Oh yeah, you don't know about that, do you? Hm, well I told her I was still upset with her not paying me back and that was part of the reason why I don't want to go with her to the concert. I told her that I expected to be paid back in cash and that's what I thought I agreed to, also saying that I was not okay with her paying me back in the form of footing my half of the hostel/hotel stay.

She looked at me like I slapped her across the face. Maybe I did, but I really didn't try to get her mad at me. Though, in the back of my mind I knew she would.

Besides that look of being slapped across the face she said that she can't always pay me back in cash (I didn't say anything about the few times she had money to spare after getting what she needed/necessary, that would've only made things worse). Also, she asked how could that not count for paying me back (the footing my half of the bill) when she would be paying for the whole thing. I simple said that I did not agree to that and I still expected to be paid back in full (I also did not mention that the trip was supposed to be my graduation gift). Her reply was "we'll talk about it" and she went quiet in anger and astonishment.

Even if she did pay me back so I could go with her I think I wouldn't go, as much as I would want to. I think it would be best for me to save up money for a car and insurance. That's kind of more important, no, IT IS MORE IMPORTANT. With the way I budgeted my estimates in money I should be able to get the car at least.

So that's why it was awkward today. It's been a few days, but I think she's still mad at me. Plus, we didn't go see the fireworks like we had planned either.

I think our friendship is having another fallout again, but this time might be the breaking off point. We may not last much longer as friends, which saddens me. I don't want it to, but time changes people and we were completely different people to begin with. Hopefully we can patch things up after a few weeks...

Oh, and that Father/Daughter Dance thing I'm going to with my dad on the 25th is going to be torture. He picked out of the two dresses that I was going to wear the one that I would get hot in instead of the one that would not make me sweat. Why? Because the one that is all black, thicker material, and has long sleeves doesn't have polka dots.

Really? REALLY?!

Just because it has polka dots you want me to wear the one that I'll be too hot in? Ugh! I'm wearing the polka dot one, I am not sweating my butt off just for this dance thing.

Just...no. No.

And apparently, dress slacks, a blouse, and dress shoes are casual wear and not formal. That argument lasted almost 5 minutes. For my sister, that is as formal as she's going to get.

In my opinion, I find it to be formal, not casual.

Dad, you're a jerk.

Time for bed. Night!

~Sica

Oh Summer...

Hello, Blog. What's up?

Summer has started, but I have been unsuccessful in obtaining a job (as usual). It's getting real discouraging so I'm starting to slow down the search. Mom's getting on my case a little bit about it because she thinks I'm not trying hard enough. I won't argue with that. From the outsider's eye it does look like that, however, for someone who doesn't like rejection and talking with people it's not bad.

A friend of mine (who I will call Chibi) has been the staying the night for almost a week. She's got problems going on. Apparently, she may be pregnant. I won't give details about it, but it is a messier situation than it already sounds like.

Now Hexx, she's got things going on too! One of her parents are ill and trying to fight it off before things get worse. She's not handling it well. She's crying a lot and when she's talking about her problems she's unintentionally putting stress on me as well. And it's not helping me at all, especially since I have a little bit of bitterness and anger towards her. She doesn't know it, but I do. She's so sensitive that I don't want to say anything because it could break the friendship we've had for years.

That bitterness and anger I'm referring to is of not getting paid back. Back in the summer of last year we went to a concert and she was supposed to pay for half of the stay at the hostel. It was $70 and she said she'd pay me back because she didn't have the money to pay her half. Thinking she would I agreed to it, she said she'd do it and she's reliable and I've known her for a long time and I trust her to keep to her word.

Bad idea. It's been a year and I have yet to see the $35 she owes me. She's gotten paid by her campus job, so she had gotten checks. She could've paid me back, but spent it on other things (mostly things she wanted like a $30-$40 on a CD (shipping included) she bought online from Japan). When she was forced to transfer to my college for the semester because of grades she received a fair amount from her refund check, more than enough to pay me back. Did she? No, she said "she didn't have the money" when she had over $700, but she had enough money to buy a DVD from Japan that costed $100 (shipping included).

What the hell? That's some bullshit right there. I took her word for paying me back and I pretty much get slapped in the face. And you want to know the kicker? That concert and the stay was supposed to be covered by her because it was a GRADUATION PRESENT! Bullshit I say.

Oh! And now That artist we saw last year may be coming back to Chicago and she wants to go. I thought "maybe she'll pay me back at last!" Nope. She said herself that she's not paying me back, not with money like we agreed but she says she'll pay for the hostel/hotel stay. NO! NONONO!!! I DID NOT AGREE TO THAT!!! She just practically said that I'm not getting my money back, but she thinks it's okay because she's paying our stay this time and she just laughed it off. I'm sorry, but that money she owes me is a lot. It's not just $3, it's $35.

As much as I don't want to make her mad (because I hate having friends be mad at me) I'm going to have set my foot down on this one. I just can't have her walking over me like this anymore and I can't be submissive with her anymore. She's not trying to walk over me, I know it's unintentional, but she's doing it and I'm becoming bitter with her.

Anyways, onto some more decent news.

I've began drawing again and I'm thinking about making a comic of Prordville (made of Prords). Yeah, I know. What the hell are Prords? That...I will not tell you! However, I have made some new characters and developed more of the ones that were neglected. Some I ended up falling in love with. Some characters have gotten revamped. Some of those characters will be DA, just like the comic will most likely be if I'm comfortable with that.

Sadly though, I haven't been able to write, only draw. And I have this great adventure story idea in my head. How sad...

I haven't been playing much of ToA either because of my carpal tunnel, but I'm 30 hours into it and one-third of the way through the game. YAY! I also got Devil May Cry recently and a new copy of Final Fantasy X since that was too scratched up to do anything. DMC is okay, I guess. I think the only reason I think that is because I'm not used to those types of games and I'm more into RPGs.

By the way, I'm deciding whether to buy a PS3 first or a SNES. What do you think? I already have one I'm leaning towards though...

Before I let you go because of time I have left at the library here's a phrase I cam e up with while thinking of one of my characters and their lover:

"Whether we fly or walk through the flames, at least I'll be holding your hand." - myself/OC (original character) Brian

~Sica

Stressing Out

This semester felt like it was going slow, but actually flew by really fast. And since it felt like it was going slow I thought I could get away with procrastination. Nope, that ended up screwing me over hard. Why? Because I hate math and I thought if I could get away with not doing the homework until the last minute that I'd be okay. How wrong I was...I have 5 assignments to do before Thursday because if I don't I can't the test and would fail.

Let's not forget my final essay for English class that's worth AN EXAM GRADE. I have paragraph done because of procrastination and a little computer problem I had, but mainly it's the procrastination. One paragraph done and that essay has to be 4-5 pages long. Trust me, that's easy to achieve for me, but on top of my math? My English class I'll pass even if I don't do so well on this final essay, but my math I'm barely getting by so having the essay too is not helping.

Tomorrow, Hexx is coming over to stay the night because of some personal issues with her mom. Plus, have you seen the gas prices? They're enough to make people commit murder just for a couple gallons. That and I have an alarm clock that she doesn't have. It'll help her wake up sooner. I have no idea about what may happen tomorrow, but I do know we'll both be trying to get things situated.

After I get out of my drawing class tonight I'll be trying to get my math done as much as possible. If I can't figure out how to do anymore of it then I'll clean my room so Hexx can have a place to sleep and put her stuff at. After cleaning I'm going to try to get my essay done before I go to bed since it's due tomorrow before the end of class.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I have a gym exam tomorrow and have to turn in all my labs (which are not completely done, by the way). I am not prepared. Plus, I have the at hiking trip with my gym class this weekend too, also not fully prepared to do it either because of all the miles I have to do. I haven't done any extra exercise to prepare myself, so I may be screwed. Fantastic, bad enough I'm already screwed tomorrow.

Because of all the things I need to do this week that means I have almost no time for anything else until after this weekend.

I want to draw.

I want to write.

I want to play Tales of the Abyss.

But college is taking over -cries-

~Sica

That Hurt...

Apparently, my drawing is decent, not good and not improving, according to my dad anyways. Friends have told me that I am not the best, which is fine, but they have told me that I have to make some improvements or told me that I have improved. However, my dad has told me today when he looked at the student art show for the winter semester that I was only a decent artist. He told this to me to my face. Though he did say my writing was good and that it was better than my sister’s, but he said hands down that my sister was a better artist.

           

Now let me clear the waters, what he said about my sister being a better artist is true, there are things that I struggle with and she has proven to be better when it comes to certain aspects of drawing. I’m very proud of her for that. But the way he said it made it seem like I had almost no drawing talent whatsoever and it hurt. It’s like he’s saying I couldn’t improve and that all my years of drawing hasn’t existed, that writing is the only thing I care about doing and it isn’t. I love to draw and I love to write. My writing has improved over the seven, eight, years I have been doing so. Some of my drawing skills I have had in the past have became rusty since starting writing because I’ve only been focusing on that and not balancing both. I believe that I have improved a little.

           

The worst of it is that he said that soon after he looked at my award for Best in Show. Sure, I was their third pick (there being a photograph from photograph not being able to get it because of a scratch and the other picture not getting it because of a the person not going to be a full-time student their upcoming semester), but I still had the honor of being able to get it. The only ones who seem proud of me after seeing the picture are my friends, my mom, and my sister.

He did say that my sister and I could do a comic or graphic novel, her doing the artwork and me doing the story/writing. Saying that since I’m a better writer that she could do the artwork and I the story (thinking that since my sister’s not a good writer that she couldn’t write her own story for a comic or graphic novel) and yeah, we could do it that way. The thing is, I’d want to do some of the art too, not just the writing. I’m not sure if my sister cares one way or another, but I know she could come up with her own stories, especially if she used her dreams. And her poetry is better than her fictional writing, she’s well aware of this as well. And I think dad saying what he did made her feel like he thought that she couldn’t writing of her own if she didn’t try. The only reason she doesn’t really try to write stories is because that’s not what she enjoys, she enjoys drawing more. Understandable. I like to do many, poetry and fictional writing and drawing. I love them all.

           

I am not in the least bit jealous of how much better my sister is at art than me, not at all. The reason that I’m not is because I support her in her art and I want her to get better. She’s so negative about herself and keeps everything in that I’m happy that she can draw and feel better about herself through that outlet. I would never want to take that away from her. We grew up drawing together and I want to continue doing that with her.

           

However, what my dad said hurt. It really did. I’m not sure if my mom or sister noticed it, but it did. Maybe I won’t be showing dad any of my artwork or any of my writings because it never seems that…I don’t even know how to put it…being close to tears sucks…

           

All I know is I will not stop drawing and I will prove that I can get better, to myself and to my dad.

           

I have to.

~Sica

Where's the cliff when you need it?

Lets get one thing straight.

I am technology stupid.

Anything and everything technology somehow ends up destroyed or falling apart in my hands (I may be exaggerating).

Why is this being brought up you ask?

Very simple.

I have viruses (I think) and my computer is getting worse and worse by the moment. The only reason I say I think is because I've scanned my computer twice with two different programs, both saying they found nothing after they annihilated whatever they caught, but this internet protection thing keeps saying I have viruses destroying everything. WTF? So confusing! I don't want it dying on me now! If it was after the semester, then I'd be fine with it, but I still need my laptop for my math class since I have to do everything on the computer. (I won't even go into the math deal.)

So now, it's 5:30 in the morning and I'm wanting to sleep, but I'm trying to figure shit out (with no luck whatsoever). If this last thing I'm trying won't work then even the devil himself will cower in at my wrath. I'm seriously getting pissed if you can't already tell.

Oh, and I've decided that next Fall Semester I'm getting a new laptop just in case, even if this one gets fixed. That one will hopefully be a Mac (that hurt my soul a little to say) since they seem a little more reliable than PCs (ouch). I'd just have to get used to them (because they're so damn confusing).

And one of these days I will have a desktop (for artwork whenever I try my hand at digital art), a laptop (for school, of course), my old laptop (if it survives will be for recreation), and a netbook laptop (most likely for writing because those things are smaller and easier to lug around).

Yeah, that's a lot, but it'd be one of the safest routes for me, I think.

Well, I'm done ranting for now.

Enjoy your day.

~Sica

Bored

What do you do when yo are bored out of your mind?

Not much because nothing can keep you interested for long periods of time.

If you can't tell I'm extremely bored.

~Sica

It's Complicated...At Least to Me...

Love is complicated. Plain and simple.

All of my life I felt that I was the most hideous thing to walk the earth, I still do honestly, but there were two people that do not see it the way I do. These two boys I dated, one for a year and a half while the other was for five months. Both, however, seem to think one of the most amazing people they've met (just one of them) and both may possibly like me still. One for sure, the other is questionable. Don't know why, but they do.

With one it seemed we were more like friends so it was a mutual split, but it seems that, from what people tell me, he treats me specially (so not a word I think...) than he does others. Personally, I don't think he likes me in any way that is more than a friend, but others tell me differently. He did though ask me what I would think if he asked me back out again before we graduated. Would that mean something?

I have come to realize that I do care for the boy and I wouldn't mind trying to date again. It is a possibility.

Now, the more complicated one. The five month guy was a deeper relationship than I even expected, even when he told me a few things he thought would throw me off my game. After he did tell me those things we actually became closer instead of what he intended and I guess he fell for me? In my opinion, he treated me like a queen and still does even though he's so far away. I'm the one that broke up with him and it honestly had nothing to do with what he did. Absolutely NOTHING! I've never told him the real reason why, but I will eventually.

I have come to realize how much I cared for this boy and I didn't realize how deep the feelings ran until now. The feelings I think border on almost love I think. Am I sure? Not really. I think too much and don't have a my heart speak a word.

This is confusing and complicated to me, I'm not used to this type of thing.

All I know is that I miss those two boys very dearly.

And there are times I wish I was dating the one of the two because I know I'll be happy. With which would I be happiest? I have my assumptions, but who's to really know?

We can only wait and see.

~Sica

Valentine's Day

I hate Valentine's Day.

Why?

Because I do.

Though, I do have to say that H.I.M. is the best band to listen to for love songs in my opinion if we're not looking at old school R&B songs or Motown. At the moment it is four o'clock in the morning (whatever time you see in the corner of the post is an hour behind) and here I am blogging.

Well, so far, I've written three poems and I've gotten the ideas from a late (one o'clock in the morning) night stroll around campus. Sadly, I did not have a notebook with me so they did not turn out as they were first thought out to be. Anyways, the poems are called "Your Venomous Kiss", "The Heart Aches", and "Moon". Two of which are kind of "depressing" while the other is about a moon. -shrugs-

I'll probably post again later since my day hasn't even started yet, so I'll be back later...Maybe...

By the way, Happy Valentine's Day to those that care about the day.

~Sica

Random Words from Boredom...

I am bored.

Simple as that.

Well, not much has been going on in my life at all. It's been the same: school, boredom, friends, etc. etc. I have been thinking about rewriting a few of my stories, drawing some pictures, and making some videos for YouTube (which will be pretty much the same thing this blog is for...sort of). I have ideas it's just getting them down on paper.

At the moment I'm kind of ticked off at the world. My health insurance is turning off on me on the first, unless I turn in the paperwork before then. I'm applying for health, food, and cash assistance. Hopefully, I get the health assistance at least.

Lately, I've been thinking about my sob story of a life drama and it has been getting me depressed. The only reason I've been thinking about it is because one of my best friends is depressed right now.

Also, I've been wanting to have a significant other (my friends complaining about it and when I'm lonely do not help me at all). I just want someone to hold me and be with me and help me when I need it. I am more than willing to do the same. The person can be male or female, it doesn't matter to me as long as there is a connection with me and the other person.

What's worse, in my opinion, is my issues with family and friends. One of my best friends, my friend of eight years (who I will call Hexx), seems to be further away from em than before. We used to be so close and now it feels like our friendship is at its end. It saddens me a lot because we've been through a lot together and been friends for so long...Now, I've closer to my other best friend (who I will call Puppy) and it seems to be having an affect on my friendship with Hexx. They hate each other's guts and they've never even met!

My family issues are the same as always...difficult.

College is hard, not just academically but mentally as well.

I will be strong though, I have to be. There are people that go through worse than I do on a daily basis.

~Sica

Soooooo, it's been a while...

Well, I had a dream last night of one of my characters. He's a character that I've had for a while (only since Freshmen year of high school). The whole thing with him appearing in my dream is an unusual thing to happen, I don't usually have dreams with any character in it at all.

My character was in it because he saw an old lover of his that he cared deeply for from millenias ago. Sadly, the guy's name is Max. What the hell? That just goes to show how creative I am with names, doesn't it? He didn't go up to him or anything, but he did stare in shock. He couldn't really do or say anything since his current partner was next to him.

Considering how many other people he was with in the past I'm surprised he loved someone else...He's such a whore...

The whole thing was odd really. I'm not used to my characters being in my dreams at all.

Also, math sucks. In the two hours I had of my math class I wrote 15 short poems from boredom. The last class I only wrote two, and then I wrote one last night after doing math. That is officially 18 new poems this year already. I HATE math.

Oh! And I'm thinking about doing a pastel drawing of a couple characters. If it's not pastels then it will be pen and pencil, simple as that. No one will really be able to see it online because of my paranoia of people stealing     characters, artwork claims, and stories people have actually written.

Stomach flu sucks, by the way.

~Sica