Stressing Out

This semester felt like it was going slow, but actually flew by really fast. And since it felt like it was going slow I thought I could get away with procrastination. Nope, that ended up screwing me over hard. Why? Because I hate math and I thought if I could get away with not doing the homework until the last minute that I'd be okay. How wrong I was...I have 5 assignments to do before Thursday because if I don't I can't the test and would fail.

Let's not forget my final essay for English class that's worth AN EXAM GRADE. I have paragraph done because of procrastination and a little computer problem I had, but mainly it's the procrastination. One paragraph done and that essay has to be 4-5 pages long. Trust me, that's easy to achieve for me, but on top of my math? My English class I'll pass even if I don't do so well on this final essay, but my math I'm barely getting by so having the essay too is not helping.

Tomorrow, Hexx is coming over to stay the night because of some personal issues with her mom. Plus, have you seen the gas prices? They're enough to make people commit murder just for a couple gallons. That and I have an alarm clock that she doesn't have. It'll help her wake up sooner. I have no idea about what may happen tomorrow, but I do know we'll both be trying to get things situated.

After I get out of my drawing class tonight I'll be trying to get my math done as much as possible. If I can't figure out how to do anymore of it then I'll clean my room so Hexx can have a place to sleep and put her stuff at. After cleaning I'm going to try to get my essay done before I go to bed since it's due tomorrow before the end of class.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I have a gym exam tomorrow and have to turn in all my labs (which are not completely done, by the way). I am not prepared. Plus, I have the at hiking trip with my gym class this weekend too, also not fully prepared to do it either because of all the miles I have to do. I haven't done any extra exercise to prepare myself, so I may be screwed. Fantastic, bad enough I'm already screwed tomorrow.

Because of all the things I need to do this week that means I have almost no time for anything else until after this weekend.

I want to draw.

I want to write.

I want to play Tales of the Abyss.

But college is taking over -cries-

~Sica

That Hurt...

Apparently, my drawing is decent, not good and not improving, according to my dad anyways. Friends have told me that I am not the best, which is fine, but they have told me that I have to make some improvements or told me that I have improved. However, my dad has told me today when he looked at the student art show for the winter semester that I was only a decent artist. He told this to me to my face. Though he did say my writing was good and that it was better than my sister’s, but he said hands down that my sister was a better artist.

           

Now let me clear the waters, what he said about my sister being a better artist is true, there are things that I struggle with and she has proven to be better when it comes to certain aspects of drawing. I’m very proud of her for that. But the way he said it made it seem like I had almost no drawing talent whatsoever and it hurt. It’s like he’s saying I couldn’t improve and that all my years of drawing hasn’t existed, that writing is the only thing I care about doing and it isn’t. I love to draw and I love to write. My writing has improved over the seven, eight, years I have been doing so. Some of my drawing skills I have had in the past have became rusty since starting writing because I’ve only been focusing on that and not balancing both. I believe that I have improved a little.

           

The worst of it is that he said that soon after he looked at my award for Best in Show. Sure, I was their third pick (there being a photograph from photograph not being able to get it because of a scratch and the other picture not getting it because of a the person not going to be a full-time student their upcoming semester), but I still had the honor of being able to get it. The only ones who seem proud of me after seeing the picture are my friends, my mom, and my sister.

He did say that my sister and I could do a comic or graphic novel, her doing the artwork and me doing the story/writing. Saying that since I’m a better writer that she could do the artwork and I the story (thinking that since my sister’s not a good writer that she couldn’t write her own story for a comic or graphic novel) and yeah, we could do it that way. The thing is, I’d want to do some of the art too, not just the writing. I’m not sure if my sister cares one way or another, but I know she could come up with her own stories, especially if she used her dreams. And her poetry is better than her fictional writing, she’s well aware of this as well. And I think dad saying what he did made her feel like he thought that she couldn’t writing of her own if she didn’t try. The only reason she doesn’t really try to write stories is because that’s not what she enjoys, she enjoys drawing more. Understandable. I like to do many, poetry and fictional writing and drawing. I love them all.

           

I am not in the least bit jealous of how much better my sister is at art than me, not at all. The reason that I’m not is because I support her in her art and I want her to get better. She’s so negative about herself and keeps everything in that I’m happy that she can draw and feel better about herself through that outlet. I would never want to take that away from her. We grew up drawing together and I want to continue doing that with her.

           

However, what my dad said hurt. It really did. I’m not sure if my mom or sister noticed it, but it did. Maybe I won’t be showing dad any of my artwork or any of my writings because it never seems that…I don’t even know how to put it…being close to tears sucks…

           

All I know is I will not stop drawing and I will prove that I can get better, to myself and to my dad.

           

I have to.

~Sica

Where's the cliff when you need it?

Lets get one thing straight.

I am technology stupid.

Anything and everything technology somehow ends up destroyed or falling apart in my hands (I may be exaggerating).

Why is this being brought up you ask?

Very simple.

I have viruses (I think) and my computer is getting worse and worse by the moment. The only reason I say I think is because I've scanned my computer twice with two different programs, both saying they found nothing after they annihilated whatever they caught, but this internet protection thing keeps saying I have viruses destroying everything. WTF? So confusing! I don't want it dying on me now! If it was after the semester, then I'd be fine with it, but I still need my laptop for my math class since I have to do everything on the computer. (I won't even go into the math deal.)

So now, it's 5:30 in the morning and I'm wanting to sleep, but I'm trying to figure shit out (with no luck whatsoever). If this last thing I'm trying won't work then even the devil himself will cower in at my wrath. I'm seriously getting pissed if you can't already tell.

Oh, and I've decided that next Fall Semester I'm getting a new laptop just in case, even if this one gets fixed. That one will hopefully be a Mac (that hurt my soul a little to say) since they seem a little more reliable than PCs (ouch). I'd just have to get used to them (because they're so damn confusing).

And one of these days I will have a desktop (for artwork whenever I try my hand at digital art), a laptop (for school, of course), my old laptop (if it survives will be for recreation), and a netbook laptop (most likely for writing because those things are smaller and easier to lug around).

Yeah, that's a lot, but it'd be one of the safest routes for me, I think.

Well, I'm done ranting for now.

Enjoy your day.

~Sica