That Hurt...

Apparently, my drawing is decent, not good and not improving, according to my dad anyways. Friends have told me that I am not the best, which is fine, but they have told me that I have to make some improvements or told me that I have improved. However, my dad has told me today when he looked at the student art show for the winter semester that I was only a decent artist. He told this to me to my face. Though he did say my writing was good and that it was better than my sister’s, but he said hands down that my sister was a better artist.

           

Now let me clear the waters, what he said about my sister being a better artist is true, there are things that I struggle with and she has proven to be better when it comes to certain aspects of drawing. I’m very proud of her for that. But the way he said it made it seem like I had almost no drawing talent whatsoever and it hurt. It’s like he’s saying I couldn’t improve and that all my years of drawing hasn’t existed, that writing is the only thing I care about doing and it isn’t. I love to draw and I love to write. My writing has improved over the seven, eight, years I have been doing so. Some of my drawing skills I have had in the past have became rusty since starting writing because I’ve only been focusing on that and not balancing both. I believe that I have improved a little.

           

The worst of it is that he said that soon after he looked at my award for Best in Show. Sure, I was their third pick (there being a photograph from photograph not being able to get it because of a scratch and the other picture not getting it because of a the person not going to be a full-time student their upcoming semester), but I still had the honor of being able to get it. The only ones who seem proud of me after seeing the picture are my friends, my mom, and my sister.

He did say that my sister and I could do a comic or graphic novel, her doing the artwork and me doing the story/writing. Saying that since I’m a better writer that she could do the artwork and I the story (thinking that since my sister’s not a good writer that she couldn’t write her own story for a comic or graphic novel) and yeah, we could do it that way. The thing is, I’d want to do some of the art too, not just the writing. I’m not sure if my sister cares one way or another, but I know she could come up with her own stories, especially if she used her dreams. And her poetry is better than her fictional writing, she’s well aware of this as well. And I think dad saying what he did made her feel like he thought that she couldn’t writing of her own if she didn’t try. The only reason she doesn’t really try to write stories is because that’s not what she enjoys, she enjoys drawing more. Understandable. I like to do many, poetry and fictional writing and drawing. I love them all.

           

I am not in the least bit jealous of how much better my sister is at art than me, not at all. The reason that I’m not is because I support her in her art and I want her to get better. She’s so negative about herself and keeps everything in that I’m happy that she can draw and feel better about herself through that outlet. I would never want to take that away from her. We grew up drawing together and I want to continue doing that with her.

           

However, what my dad said hurt. It really did. I’m not sure if my mom or sister noticed it, but it did. Maybe I won’t be showing dad any of my artwork or any of my writings because it never seems that…I don’t even know how to put it…being close to tears sucks…

           

All I know is I will not stop drawing and I will prove that I can get better, to myself and to my dad.

           

I have to.

~Sica