It's Complicated...At Least to Me...

Love is complicated. Plain and simple.

All of my life I felt that I was the most hideous thing to walk the earth, I still do honestly, but there were two people that do not see it the way I do. These two boys I dated, one for a year and a half while the other was for five months. Both, however, seem to think one of the most amazing people they've met (just one of them) and both may possibly like me still. One for sure, the other is questionable. Don't know why, but they do.

With one it seemed we were more like friends so it was a mutual split, but it seems that, from what people tell me, he treats me specially (so not a word I think...) than he does others. Personally, I don't think he likes me in any way that is more than a friend, but others tell me differently. He did though ask me what I would think if he asked me back out again before we graduated. Would that mean something?

I have come to realize that I do care for the boy and I wouldn't mind trying to date again. It is a possibility.

Now, the more complicated one. The five month guy was a deeper relationship than I even expected, even when he told me a few things he thought would throw me off my game. After he did tell me those things we actually became closer instead of what he intended and I guess he fell for me? In my opinion, he treated me like a queen and still does even though he's so far away. I'm the one that broke up with him and it honestly had nothing to do with what he did. Absolutely NOTHING! I've never told him the real reason why, but I will eventually.

I have come to realize how much I cared for this boy and I didn't realize how deep the feelings ran until now. The feelings I think border on almost love I think. Am I sure? Not really. I think too much and don't have a my heart speak a word.

This is confusing and complicated to me, I'm not used to this type of thing.

All I know is that I miss those two boys very dearly.

And there are times I wish I was dating the one of the two because I know I'll be happy. With which would I be happiest? I have my assumptions, but who's to really know?

We can only wait and see.

~Sica